Zilch
by Scout29
Summary: Zilch Boltbucket is a goblin tinker, constantly getting into danger and trouble! Yet he escapes. How does he do it? And why is Mershini so interested in warlocks? Rated T. R&R, please.


It was dark. The only light was that of a torch, which lit up a goblin and the cave walls beside him. The goblin had bushy grey eyebrows, a beard, but no hair. He walked cautiously along the tunnel, making little plops as he stepped in puddles of water. The smell of rock water was present in the cave, which helped to overcome the smell of engine oil and sweat that came from the goblin. His eyes darted around, pausing in certain areas, searching for something. They finally rested on a stone door in front of him. He took out a key and approached the door. He quickly looked around before jabbing the key in the center of the door and turning it. There was a whirring sound. The door parted down the middle with a screech that drilled into the goblin's ears. The goblin walked inside and was illuminated by the soft glow of a gold orb, which was levitating above a pedestal in the center of the room. It was clearly a magical artifact of some sort. The goblin tossed his torch aside, ran forward and then snatched the orb, spinning around and landing on his feet.

"Ha ha! The amazing Zilch strikes again!" he said triumphantly before brushing himself off. He turned to leave, but heard another whirring sound followed by a great many _ker-chunks_. Zilch saw panels open up in the cave tunnel in front of him, which began spurting out everything from sporks to small stones. He ran as fast as he could along the tunnel, hunched over the orb. After many hard hits and deflections of flying silverware, he made it out of the cave and emerged into the Barrens. Zilch examined his prize admirably.

"Well! That was worth running through a cave full of booby traps!" Zilch said rather optimistically. He once again examined his new toy before running off in an easterly direction, towards Ratchet.

Zilch tired quickly. He stopped to catch his breath. He suddenly regretted not having made some sort of a fast vehicle to carry him. He walked the rest of the way to Ratchet.

The journey took nearly four hours, not counting the various water breaks Zilch took. The sprawling trade-city of Ratchet engulfed him, digesting him in a stomach packed with goblin merchants in their stalls, auction houses, and adventurers from the Horde and Alliance alike giving each other sour looks. It had turned dark and rainy by now. Zilch suspected that the storm would quickly turn for the worse, so he ran past (or under) everyone and every thing in his way until he reached his shop. A crudely painted sign on the door plainly said "closed". He unlocked the door, walked inside, and shut it again. A whole bunch of mechanical clicks were heard as the door bolted itself again. Zilch headed for the back, and went down the stairs to his garage.

Inside the garage, things were dusty. Nothing in there had been touched for at least a month, except perhaps the doors and the floor. Zilch opened the front garage door with a lever on the wall. The gold orb had become more intense, such that the light was now searing white. The smell of burning flesh was becoming present. Zilch ran to the middle of the room, where there was a large vehicle. He hopped up top, opened the hatch, jumped inside, ran to the back and jammed the orb in a circular socket that seemed designed to contain it. Zilch shook his right hand vigorously, which had been holding the orb. He looked at it to see that certain lines from the patterns on the orb had been burned into his hand. He walked to the front of the small room inside the vehicle. He sat in the seat (which was a swivel chair). His hands ran across the control pad, and rested on a small box. He opened the lid and pushed the large red button inside the box.

A low hum emanated from the back of the vehicle, followed by a hissing sound as steam came out from either side of the vehicle. The lights inside and outside on the vehicle came to life.

"It WORKS!" Zilch said, putting his head back and his hands to either side as he began laughing maniacally. Outside, lightning struck power conductors. The sound of thunder echoed throughout the entire garage.

"Overdramatic as always, I see." Zilch heard a voice. He turned around the see that the hatch was open and an orc was behind him.

"Oh, hello to you, Mershini!" Zilch said. "It's impressive, isn't it?"

"It's a tank," Mershini said, clearly not amused.

"Yes, but it's my tank! And it's more than powerful enough to take on any other tinkers that might want my plans!" Zilch said. Mershini rolled her eyes.

"If I were you, I'd focus more on your choices of allies." Zilch shrugged.

"Whom would you object to that I employ? I've made sure that _nobody_ that I have recruited is one of your enemies!" he said.

"She's not in your employ, but you do her favors, and by doing her favors you are making my life a lot harder for both me and her," Mershini said. Zilch shrugged.

"You mean Liria? She's fine! I don't think that she would be opposed to you! You both seem like you'd make a perfect pair for-"

"Everything she does opposes my views!" Zilch hesitated.

"Oh! Right…" he said, finally seeing why Mershini was so mad at him. "You can't have come all this way just to tell me that you hate Liria."

"No. I have a particular job for you as well, and there's good pay involved."

Zilch pondered this. "Sorry, I have plenty of money for right now, and I don't want to scratch my shiny new tank."

"I could make you do the job without any pay, just because you owe me." Mershini grinned.

"You still want payback for when I hired you to get rid of Greedo?"

"And don't you forget it. Now, you have a choice. Either do the job and get paid, or I'll take this dagger and scratch the shiny new hull of your tank."

Zilch's eyes widened. "NO! Not the dagger! Please! I'll do anything you want!"

"I thought you might." Mershini withdrew her dagger in satisfaction. "Just keep on the lookout for any suspicious looking warlocks and contact me somehow if you find one."

"Deal! Pleasure doing business with you," Zilch said enthusiastically. Mershini climbed out of the tank.

"Hey Mershini!" Zilch yelled after her, "Does Liria count as a suspicious warlock?"

"No!" Zilch cursed. He heard the _pitter-patter_ of Mershini's soft leather boots as she ran out of the garage. Then he looked at his burned hand, and the bright lines in the reddened flesh.


End file.
